Swedish Parker!

see you next year…

The last Swedish delicacy I was yet to enjoy – I had to tick it off the list before I went home, even though I knew I was in for a very painful experience.

Surströmming!!!?!

a.k.a. Rotten Herring

ROTTEN Herring…

I’ve loved every single bizarre food I’ve eaten in Sweden over the past year: Elk Burgers, Brown Cheese, Blood Pudding, “Kroppkakor”, Janssons Frestelse, Dried Reindeer, Snaps & Crawfish, Soured Milk, and caviar in a toothpaste tube, to name but a few.

But this was too much.

It’s basically fillets of fish that have been left to rot for a few months, after which they’ve been canned and allowed to continue rotting for several more.

Which ends up producing one of the most horrible odours I’ve ever experienced.

According to Wikipedia, it has a pungent, rotten-egg, rancid-butter and vinegary smell.

Personally I think they’re being generous.

The first whiff I got after opening the can was quite possibly the worst smell I’ve ever experienced. Not just food, the worst smell, from anything, that I’ve ever smelt, ever.

I wasn’t far from throwing up, and I was supposed to turn around and eat it…?

I managed to take three tiny bites, but each time I couldn’t possibly get over the horrible, horrible, horrible smell in order to tell whether or not it tasted any good.

As far as I could tell it was only partially better on the tongue than the nose.

Yet, somehow, this food is sold in supermarkets all over the country, and is considered somewhat of a traditional delight.

It’s ROTTEN FISH for christ’s sake.

And the Swedes say Vegemite tastes bad… Unbelievable…

(click on any image to begin viewing the swanky little popup gallery – thanks to Florence, Maja, Tove and Patrik Ylen for taking so many pics)

An epic win for the boys from Solna.

Despite going into the weekend’s Grand Final as both Reigning Premiers AND current VB Cup holders, we were being touted as underdogs after the Södermalm Blues dominated the home-and-away season.

But we were having none of it. After a solid couple of weeks on the track, the team was pumped for the big day.

Within 10 seconds of the opening bounce, Ryan “Former K-Mart Model” Kingsley had slotted through our first for the day.

But straight away the Blues – through Joel “Awww C’mon Ump!!” Burnell – replied with their own, setting up the the first quarter to be a complete shoot-out.

Despite impressive work from our trusty ruckmen – Marty and the eleven-foot-tall-Matzilla – we went into the first break barely leading: 6.0.36 to 5.1.31.

After the free flowing opening, the respective defenses – lead by our own Patrik “Captain Courageous” Hyberg – tightened in the second stanza.

Going into the half-time break we were left barely hanging onto a four point buffer.

At the opening of the third term we momentarily dropped our guard, allowing Södermalm to get the jump on us. By mid-way through the quarter we were over two goals behind.

However a couple of late replies kept us in it, and at the final break there was still less than a straight kick separating the two teams.

A raw, rousing, straight-to-the-point three-quarter time speech by Coach Kingsley reminded us Axemen that, to spend 12 months training on dodgy footy grounds only to lose the Grand Final by one goal would, to paraphrase politey, be f*&king shithouse.

So we charged into the final quarter of the game, determined to go Back-To-Back and also capture the elusive VB Cup/SAFF Premiership double (never been done before, cheers).

We edged three points clear midway through a see-sawing final term, only to turn around and concede two straight goals to the Blues.

With pretty much noone knowing just how much time remained, the capacity crowd at Årsta Fältet was on the edge of their seats.

The play was tense to say the least; every time the ball came down to our backline it was like life or death – one more goal and the Blues would surely wrap things up.

We managed to keep possession in our forward line for a good three or four minutes, but three shots on goal all narrowly, narrowly missed.

Was that it? Had the Axemen used up all their chances? Would the SAFF Premiership Cup be getting filled with cheap, foul-tasting beer all over Södermalm that evening? (Well, no, obviously not, given the title of this entry… but work with me here.)

The three straight behinds had brought us back to within six points – just one straight kick.

Reminiscent of Geelong in the epic 1989 Grand Final, we began to sense our main opponent was now the clock.

Fortunately, some desperation all over the ground from a determined Solna outfit saw us level the scores just minutes later with a beautiful piece of crumbing by Leslie “I’m 46 but I don’t give a stuff” Clarke.

With the seconds ticking down and the crowd suspecting a draw, both teams heroicly threw themselves at the ball.

It could have gone either way… but after the footy was safely cleared from the Blues attacking zone, Mark “Flex For The Camera” McManus (six goals in a Best-On-Ground performance) stepped up and sent a clever snap flying towards goal, bending it back at the very last second and sending the Axemen players, and much of the crowd wild.

We held on for another 30 seconds and it was all over.

The siren sounded, the Axemen embraced, and the Blues were left heartbroken and pondering what could have been…

…a champion team effort!

It’s on! Our date with destiny…

The Mighty Solna Axemen, reigning SAFF premiers and current holders of the VB Cup, go up against the hapless Södermalm Blues this weekend.

The winner walks away with the coveted title of best Australian Football team in Stockholm (which, given the magnitude of our league, is not something to be taken lightly).

Ryan “Hollywood/former K-Mart model” Kingsley has had the boys training up a storm the past week or two, giving us plenty of confidence to take out the illustrious SAFF/VB double.

A capacity crowd is expected at the home of Stockholm Australian Football, Årsta, with early ticket sales suggesting we may very well get more spectators than players turning up…

Everybody here loves those cute little disposable BBQs (do we even have them in Australia…?). So whenever it’s good weather on the weekend, the parks fill up with young people cooking up a storm and drinking cheap booze.

But the thing is, good weather on the weekend, even in Summer, can be a bit of an oxymoron in Sweden.

So when the last weekend of August gave us perfect blue skies down here in Malmö, Maja and I grabbed a bottle of cheap white wine, picked up a disposable barbie and some meat, and head down to the park…

Mmmm….. smaskens!

Who could possibly resist this invite?

No better place to celebrate my 25th than at The Mansion!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVuU3gwjXgc[/youtube]
(The awkward thing about this video is the fact it was taken at the very beginning of the evening, yet I still have next-to-no recollection of it…)

My embarrassing attempt to blow smoke rings (the first time I’ve ever smoked a cigar… awkward).

Time for a Kräftskiva!

The beginning of every August brings with it the mighty Swedish tradition of the Kräftskiva (aka Crayfish Party).

It basically amounts to wearing funny little hats, eating loads of mini crayfish, getting drunk on schnapps and then singing a bunch of old songs in Swedish.

Good times!

It was all over by half-time.

The Blues kicked 3.4 in the second quarter to our solitary behind.

We salvaged some respect by outgunning them in the second half, but it was never going to be enough.

Deep into the third term I dragged myself off the ground after having a shocker. But I got all of two minutes rest before my counterpart in the back pocket came running off looking for a swap.

So with about two minutes left on the clock I sprinted back down there, straight into the action. Didn’t even have time to put my mouthguard back in…

Which turned out to be quite unfortunate. Half a minute later and I had the ball on the wing. I was effing exhausted and all I could see was a big blue blur coming right at me. I got my kick away half a second before Stuey crashed into me.

On the upside we did end up with a Down-The-Field Free Kick for his Late Bump on me (which resulted in an after the siren goal!), but on the downside I lost the use of my jaw for 72 hours…

The ONE time I’ve actually needed a mouthguard in the Stockholm Australian Football League. To add insult to the loss, I couldn’t even eat my burger at the post-match BBQ :-/

The very last moment before I lost complete use of my jaw for the weekend. Cheers Stuey!

Doing my best to milk a free kick for Holding The Man and/or High Tackle. I got neither…

Just returned from the annual footy trip to Finland.

The Stockholm Australian Football League have it every year on the infamous Viking Line cruise from Stockholm to Finland and back.

This boat is supposedly pretty dodgy at the best of times (it’s basically a floating duty free shop, which means the booze onboard is VERY cheap compared with in Stockholm), but fill it with a bunch of Aussie and Swedish AFL players, and it can ugly.

Over the past few weeks we’ve been entertained at training sessions with stories of past cruises.

About the young Aussie guy that got locked up in the hold on three out of his four trips (one particular incarceration for trying to climb the smoke-stacks on top of the ship…).

About the not-so-classy dancing and pick-up attempts on the not-so-classy dancefloor.

About the fact that you’re pretty much guaranteed to be playing the game (oh yeah, the trip is, supposedly, mainly about the annual game between Stockholm Dynamite and the Finland Icebreakers…) the next morning very, very hungover.

So with great joy we boarded the boat on Friday arvo ready to get stuck into another cultural experience.

About 15 of us made the trip, with a scarily large proportion of the group being young Aussie males. Not a good sign.

Within 10 minutes of being onboard, I was standing outside the Duty Free shop with our assistant coach/former male model, Ryan “Hollywood” Kinsgley.

He set a great example for the rest of the team by proceeding to buy three cartons of warm beer (which cost the same as three cold beers at a bar in Stureplan) and taking them up onto the sundeck for the team to enjoy.

Drinking games and a spontaneous game of Deck Footy ensued. By the time the sun had set some time after 10pm, we were all well ready to hit up the “Entertainment Floors”.

And then, from Stuey’s official match report on AussieRules.se:

“After this the players dispersed again some hitting the black jack tables and some heading to the dance floor and the band with the 3 movers and shakers [guilty] from the footy trip clearing the dance floor in a matter of minutes thanks to some magnificent dance moves and sending more beer on the floor then down their throats [after our performance the band singer said, quite sarcastically "Thanks guys, you've ruined it for everyone." lol]. This was followed up with a progression to the club where the boys were not sure of what to expect after the average age of the people getting on the boat was 63.7″

Not sure when I got to bed, but was rudely awaken at 7am being told it was time to disembark.

So with everyone fresh and in great spirits, our fearless leader Jordo thought it’d be a great idea to wander aimlessly for half an hour looking for a breakfast cafe.

We were relieved to find a nice little spot by the water, only to realise they sold nothing but dodgy sandwiches and overpriced water, and would only take Euros (which practically none of us had).

So the rest of us slept in the park nearby as we waited for the bus.

On the way to the footy ground we made a brief stop for supplies, with an impromptu game of Servo Footy breaking out while we were there.

We finally made it to the ground.

It was the first almost-full-sized ground I’d seen in over a year. The Finns were extremely well prepared, and each of them looked as though they’d had as much sleep as our entire team combined.

Hence, the game can pretty much be summed up as: Us three men short, Them not hungover.

If the dehydration wasn’t already bad enough, Finland decided to turn on the nicest day of summer. So we were running around in blazing 32 degree heat for 80 minutes.

Given our condition, it wasn’t surprising that a few men went down. Hollywood twisted his ankle, Striker almost broke his, Shane wound up with three broken ribs, and I had a corked hip so bad that Stuey took great joy in making me laugh all the way home (after realising just how much pain such an act would cause me).

So the return leg of the cruise wasn’t AS lively as the first, at least not until about midnight when the booze from the all you can eat/drink buffet had kicked in.

So another night was spent on the dodgy dancefloor, with me getting a lesson in the Russian language courtesy of three nice young girls from out that way, Stuey dancing with more energy than any of us had put into our game of footy, and young Shadow scoring Best on Ground honours for hooking up with some girl who was sharing the cruise with her mother and brother. Beautiful work.

—

Now it’s Sunday night, I haven’t had a rest in the past 10 days, and I start my six-hours-per-day, extra intensive Swedish lessons in the morning. Ouch.

The highly anticipated sequel to How to lose a Tennis Match in 33 minutes.

I had a point to prove after my humiliation on the tennis court. So I figured a Go-Kart race was a safe enough bet to restore some pride.

Alas, no… even after leading for most of the practice session, I was slower on EVERY SINGLE lap of the actual race.

Where to from here, I have no idea. Perhaps a surfing or AFL-related challenge.

But on current form I might even struggle with those :-/

—

Despite the setback to my ego, it was a damn fine week of summer in Stockholm (I’d been starting to wonder if 25 degrees was as good as it got…).

More white wine, more great food, more trips to The Most Relaxing Bar In Stockholm, and a hell of a lot of Swedish Sun.